Itch inside my nose

Dear itch inside my nose,
Why can't you have the courtesy to show up while I'm not in public?? Of course I could just go ahead and scratch you, but I just know some little kid is bound to cause a scene and will inevitably point directly at me and say "Mom, that lady picks her nose!"
Why do you hate me?
Love,
Llllynna

Milk carton

Dear milk carton,
It's probably not your fault that you didn't come with a safety seal beneath your twist off cap, but it irritated me. I hope it is not the workings of some sociopath who goes to groceries stores all over the Midwest and rips off the seal just to pour in poison, but since I would rather not go back to the store among all the confused lemmings wandering around aimlessly, I guess I'll take my chances.
Please don't kill me.
Love,
Lynna

Waffle Iron

Dear waffle iron,
We don't work well together. You like to burn people and I don't fully appreciate being burned. I think it's time we part ways.
I hear the iron is looking for friends.
Love,
Leeeena

Vacuum

Dear vacuum,
I would like you more if you were not selective in what you chose to pick up. If you just suck up everything I ran you over, we would have a better friendship.
Please consider making me happy.
Love,
Lynna

Potato

Dear potato,
I'm pretty annoyed that you decided to jump out of my hand into the garbage as I was peeling you over the trash can. Shame on you.
Love,
Lenis
(yes, I do realize that you are not technically an inanimate object as you were growing eyes at the time, but you frustrated me to the point that you deserved a letter)

Winter storm

Dear winter storm,
Congratulations, you just ruined Christmas. You've taken the Merry out of the season.
Love,
Lynna

Iron

Dear iron,
You're not very user friendly for jittery, uncoordinated people. If you continue to burn me four times per hour, I'm going to have to realize that there are more important things in the world than fresh pressed clothing. You could help make amends by rubbing aloe on my arms.
Love,
Lynna

Coffee pot

Dear coffee pot,
It was very rude of you to decide not to work and then throw wet, clumpy coffee grounds all over my clean kitchen when I tried to fix you.
Love,
Lynn-uh

Garbage Disposal

Dear garbage disposal,
If you throw stinky, wet food food in my face one more time, I'm going to throw a metal spoon in YOUR face.
Love,
Lynna

Cell phone

Dear cell phone,
If you're going to choose not to work, I'm going to choose to hate you.
Love,
Lynna

Deodorant

Dear deodorant,
How dare you let me leave the house without putting you on. You've disserviced everyone who came within ten feet of me today.
Love,
Lynnnnna

Haircut

Dear haircut,
You do a fine job of looking like a helmet; however, that's not a good look.
Love,
Lynna

MC napkins

Dear Miley Cyrus napkins,
Really?
Love,
Lynna

Shopping cart

Dear shopping cart,
What were you doing hanging out behind my car? And why didn't you even attempt to move when you saw me backing up? You are inconsiderate.
Love,
Lynna

"Snow" boots

Dear snow boots,
If you're not keeping out the cold and wetness from my feet, what exactly are you doing? You should think about changing your name.
LOVE,
Lynna